Day 31 - FINALLY

I currently have:

Resource consent
Gas piped in form the street
Two fully painted bedrooms
A cat flap
A bora free attic
A new found tolerance for dust

I currently don't have:

A toilet door
A shower
A bathroom door
Bedroom doors that shut
Windows that open

Day 29 of renovations- detox on hold

Now I know what you're thinking- she ditched detox because she couldn't go on without booze. Well you're wrong wrong wrong. It turns out that what I can't go on without is a kitchen. I have no oven, my cutlery drawer and sink is behind a pile of gib board and there is no bench space accessible. This makes it tricky to prepare even steamed veg and fish. I don't even own a microwave. I'd imagine there will be a number of salads prepared on the coffee table in the coming weeks but the depths of winter is not really primo salad season, so let's be honest it's going to be takeaways most of the time.

So detox is out the window until the new kitchen goes in - in about three weeks. Eep.

However today when I left there was an electrician, a plumber, two painters, two plasterers and three builders in my house. I'd imagine the house will look quite different when I get home tonight.

Probably the other big lack is the cat flap. Currently their isn't one. Pinot is a reasonably quirky cat at the best of times which was why it took me a while to realise that her frantic dashing around the house this morning was not just her being a loony. She needed out. Urgently. Luckily I figured it out in time.

Insulation went into the roof last night- such a huge difference!

10 Things I Have Learnt So Far While Renovating

1. Dust won't kill you. But if you endeavour to remove it from every surface every day, it might make you kill yourself.
2. Your neighbours, who seem lovely on the face of it, are sneaky conniving bastards who will chuck stuff in your skip in the dead of night.
3. Stuff being chucked in your skip in the dead of night makes a BIG NOISE and will scare the shite out of you the first hundred or so times.
4. People who have used builders will not believe you when you tell them how great your builder is. This is because they have been endlessly ripped off by trades people and refuse to believe that anyone could have had a different experience.
5. People love to take what you consider flash and exciting and shit all over it. "A good, basic kitchen" (that you've just spent the equivalent of six month's salary on) or "Huh, green paint. I see" or referring to the whole job as "Your little renovation"
6. These people are wankers and should be punched in the goolies forthwith.
7. It is impossible to just tear off a little bit of wallpaper. That shit is instantly addictive.
8. You can live without about 90% of the shit you have in your house.
9. The 10% you can't live without will be packed in an unlabelled box and is probably under a teetering pile of the other 90%.
10. Everything will take longer than you expect... except your money running out.

Day 22 of the renovations, Day five of Detox - Reality Bites

Ok ok ok I know, all renovations go over budget. But do you know what's really frustrating? Mine's not going over budget because of some shonky builder or dodgy contractor. It's not even because when they ripped something out they discovered unexpected or unbudgeted for rot, leaks or any other issues.

It's all my fault. You see I want nice things but what I didn't do is add up all of the nice things to a total to see how much all of the nice things were going to cost me. Outcome = currently I'm $20k short on the expected total spend. $20k!! Oopsie.

Fuck detox, I could go on hunger strike and still not make up that shortfall. so when I went to my dentist today (I bit down on an alleged 'pitted' olive to find out that it had been falsely advertised) and he told me I needed to spend $1500 on a crown, I didn't even blink. Well actually I did blink and then said. "That's a freakin' dishwasher!!!". I'm not sure that made a lot of sense to Roger but he's an amiable sort and he took it in his stride. The point is, that in the scheme of things $1500 doesn't make a huge difference either way. I'm financially screwed.

Want to hear the best part? Because it's a very little tooth, he wants me to get a gold cap because they're stronger! A gold cap!!! Told you i always end up withe the fanciest option in the room.

At least I can develop my gansta rappa career and hopefully recoup some renovation costs.

Day 18 of the renovation. Day 1 of detox.

That's right. You heard me. I'm on detox. But I got here with a bang. I had a Final Night On Booze. Phew. Cigs, karaoke, multiple taxis, an abandoned car, wine wine wine.

So today I woke up nice and hungover to remind myself why I'm doing this. It sucks being in a dirty, cluttered, freezing house while hungover.

And I need to pay for it to be clean, uncluttered, insulated and heated.

I can see my breath (which probably smells like a badger's arse) and am wearing everything I own. I've drunk two litres of water today. Haven't peed once. MY life is one of pure glamour.

Day 17 - Yes. I know that.

Ok so maybe, just maybe, I am pandering for a little sympathy. Perhaps I have mentioned to people that I'm a little cold. I may have pointed out that it's a new level of HARD to make it to work (a) fully dressed and (b) not covered in dust. It is possible that I have highlighted that as a slight clean freak, it's a little stressful living in a house where everything is always filthy and one whole room is literally piled to the four metre high rafters with stuff. Potentially I've been banging on that it's tricky to maintain a normal life when your shower floods every morning, your roof is leaking, you have to visit every room in the house to pull together an outfit and you're not sure what room you'll be sleeping in tonight...

But yes. I realise:

"It will be great when it's finished"
"It's much better to do it all in one go"
"It will be so much warmer next winter"

That's why I'm doing it. You don't need to say that. What you should say is: "Lorraine. You are amazing. I could never in a million years do what you are doing. Because I live a life of luxury in my house that isn't being renovated. You are incredibly strong and possibly the bravest person I've ever met. Let me buy you dinner."

Day 16 - new lows

My third clothes rail collapsed today. This should probably indicate that I have more clothes than I need. But strangely I don't feel that way. Since I will actually have a wardrobe in a few weeks, I can't possible justify buying a new clothes rail. So my clothes are currently hanging on a telescopic painting pole that's suspended across my lounge window. Which faces the street. I'm officially white trash.

The house continues to be all kinds of freezing and everything everything everything has dust on it. Cooking, brushing your teeth and wearing anything black are more complicated than you could possibly imagine. I've also had to move all of my stuff from my bedroom to the lounge and in the process misplaced my watch. This. Is. Driving. Me. Crazy.

Other essential items I have 'safely packed away', absolutely can not find and now urgently need:

Clean towels
The vacuum cleaner
Books
Tea towels
Spare bath mats
Laundry baskets

In other, non-renovations related news, I attended a conference today entitled "The Future of the Book". Initially fascinating, often confusing and towards the end downright boring stuff. One guy literally cleared the room with his meanderings. But some interesting stuff on digital technology and how 'books' (and by that I mean text and images not necessarily paper in bindings) will be formatted and consumed in the future. And in some cases the really really near future.

But if I'm honest I really just wanted to pop home and check on the renovations!