10 things my cats do that drive me nuts but that I tell as fond stories- now via my blog

1. Pinot brings in large live insects and sets them free in my bedroom while I am trying to sleep, Cicadas in distress and trying to find refuge under the covers with you are difficult to ignore.
2. Puck comes into the house making the longest, saddest mewls you'll ever hear and when you approach him to comfort him he runs and hides under a table so that you can't get to him as if his recurring experience is being beaten with a clothes hanger by you.
3. Pinot goes out through the cat flap, around to the front on the flat and scrabbles on the window until you let her in through the human door. Repeatedly. She also scrabbles on the full length mirror while I'm asleep making a continuos knocking sound against the wall and waking the entire house.
4. Puck waits until you're sitting comfortably, sidles up to you and lets you pat him for a second before moving five centemetres out of reach and sitting there expectently awaiting pats and scratchings.
5. Pinot knocks glasses of water off the table, deliberatly spilling their contents onto the carpet as she prefers carpet water to water that's in her bowl. She'll also do this with empty glasses just to make her point.
6. Puck reacts to the sound of the can opener EVERY SINLGE TIME and whines at you until you give him something. The only thing I ever give him that involves a tin opener is tuna and more often I'm opening chickpeas or beans or something else but he still whines.
7. Pinot waits until she can sense you're finally going to brave the day and get out of bed in just one more minute before climbing onto your chest and going fast asleep instantly.
8. Puck eats Pinot's food.
9. Pinot gets your attention by being deliberatly naughty. This may be the glass of water trick or could involve jumping up on the dining room table, kitchen counter or eating off your plate. The attention must involve a combination of shouting and moving towards her flapping your arms to encourage her to desist. Temporarily.
10. Puck, who is way less naughty than Pinot, reacts as if he's being told off when actually I'm shouting at Pinot about any one of the above things.

Domesticity

The thing about being a grown up is that an awful lot of the stuff that you're supposed to allocate time to is fucking boring.

A case in point is the ongoing saga of the washing machine. Here it is in synospis

1. For a variety of reasons, my washing machine has been at a friend's house for about two years.
2. I reclaimed it in about August of last year
3. In December it was nicked (our laundry was outdoors)
4. I put in an insurance claim
5. They decided I was dodgy and made me spend hours making phone calls, filling in forms, visiting police stations and talking to 'assessors' (investigators).
6. I was background checked for criminal record, bad debts and they even had a look at my online auction account to make sure I wasn't coincidentally selling a washing machine
7. Eventually they paid out about half what I had spent including interest on the loan repayments and mechanical breakdown insurance
8. The Flat (me and Claire) bought a second one online
9. While I was away it leaked, flooded the cupboard and short circuted the plug socket
10. We got that fixed... and just last week it broke down completely
11. I got a rental today after waiting three hours for the fuckers to deliver it
12. It's leaked all over the cupboard but luckily we haven't fixed the plug in there so at least that didn't repeat.

So there you are. It's all so fucking mundane and yet I reckon I've spent about 30 hours or so in the last four months on all of the many washing machines I've had in my life recently. And I don't even have a working one yet

30 hours? But that's not very long is it? Well it's more time than I've spent on the following in the same time span:

1. Attending the theatre
2. Watching DVDs
3. Catching up with several of my close friends
4. Skyping
5. Browsing in book shops
6. Taking lunch breaks
7. Going to the cinema
8. Doing voluntary work
9. Drinking cocktails
10. Trying on new shoes
11. Reading poetry
12. Sleeping in

I would much rather be doing any of the latter list but bloody grown up shite always gets in the way.

Maybe I should be like the Queen and only wear my clothes once? That could be solution. But for now I have no clean sports socks to run in tomorrow and that makes me ANGRY.