Sorry folks

So I opened the year all sunshiney and full of the joys. And since then I’ve basically whined at you. Angry ranting can be funny. Full blown dramas and high levels of stress can be interesting to read about in other people’s lives. But a low-level grade of low-level whinging is BORING in the extreme. And anyway, what in the sweet mother of fuck have I got to whinge about? The sun is (mostly) shining, my cats are (currently) healthy and I’m going home to Ireland in a few months to meet my brand new nephew (assuming I have my leave approved).

So thanks for your patience while I got that out of my system. We will now resume our normal broadcast.

If you're not looking for a whinge stop reading

I'm back in improv classes. This, for the large part, is fun. Lots of fun in fact. So much fun that I don't mint that it makes an already long day longer. I currently get up at 5.00 am to go to boot camp on a Tuesday morning. Although this is the last week for that.

Anyway last night I was in the throes of an improv exercises and I got thrown into a wall. It was unintentional and the other party involved in the incident was very contrite. I have sustained the tiniest little bruise to my baby finger on my right hand and one slightly larger one above my right elbow. My baby finger looks a bit swollen and is REALLY sore to touch.

Here's a list of things that you use your baby finger for that are tricky to avoid:

1. Turning your car's steering wheel to the right
2. Washing your hair
3. Brushing your teeth
4. Push ups (this will be less relevant after Thursday when I finish bootcamp for a while)
5. Shaking hands
6. Carrying bags by the handles
7. Clearing multiple glasses off a table
8. Using a joystick mouse

Doesn't my life sound pure dead exciting by the way?

Making an effort

Every now and then I get told off for being slack at updating this. It immediately inspires me to write more. Can you all please get together and take it in turns to remind me, say once a week. Then you'll never need to get angry again.

Anyway, on with the post. I went to this at the weekend. It was great. I recommend it.

What surprised me was the ratio of food to wine. Wine far, far, far outstripped the food. Which was nice. I had stuff to do that night so I couldn't take full advantage of the range on offer but next year I'm going to book out my diary for a solid 36 hours and really go for it.

In other news my half marathon training is going badly. I've been doing this thinking that this plus a long run on the weekend would see me all set. That is not the case. My strength is better, my stamina is shot to shit. Also I think I'm nudging a quad, calf AND knee injury and worried about writing myself off totally. Or I could just need new trainers.

Jesus. I'm boring myself.

I will reflect on what needs ranting about and be back soon. Honest folks.

What's in a name?

I have one of those surnames that people can't pronounce. They sort of slur through it and race to the end in the hope that I won't notice that they have no idea how to say it. And they needn't bother. I really don't mind. It's a tricky name. And the reason that it's tricky is becasue it's uncommon. Gallagher should be a tricky name to pronounce but Gallaghers are two-a-penny so everyone can.

My first name is not particularly tricky. Most people know a Lorraine or are at least familiar with the name. Although there are a variety of spellings for it. Mine is the traditional version but I've seen 'Laurraine', 'Loraine' and 'Lauraine' used. And in the case of NZ Immigration, who are generally speaking a bunch of morons, I've seen my own name spelled Lorriane. Despite the fact that they had every single piece of documentation in the entire world that had ever had my name written on it ever.

Anyway, it's not a super common name but I have met significantly more 'Lorraines' than I have met 'Brehenys' (or at least Brehenys who are not related to me).

Anyway the point is that my name is not a 'John Smith' kind of name.

So I was reasonably surprised to start getting emails to my hotmail account for someone with the same name but who wasn't me. There was one over Xmas then one early in the new year. But I logged on to Hotmail on Thursday to find a heap of 'reply all' emails about a netball game this week in England somewhere. So I sent them all this email:

Hi folks,

There are two Lorraine Brehenys in the world - what are the chances?!?

This particular Lorraine Breheny, writing to you from this particular hotmail address, enjoys keeping fit; but prefers individual to team sports.

Also I currently live in New Zealand.

So thanks for your invites to play in your team but it's not terribly practical. And think of the carbon footprint! I don't have the email address for the Lorraine Breheny I think you are probably trying to write to. It seems that quite a few of her friends and family have recently acquired mine though!

Best of luck finding an umpire.

Cheers

Lorraine Breheny (well obviously)

Understandably I got a slew of new emails form them apologising and declaring themselves stunned to hear from a second Lorraine Breheny. More surprisingly, a couple of them went on to invite me to come and have a drink with them should I ever be in the UK. One person would even like to become a pen pall or, as she put it, 'email buddy'. Based on my name and a couple of sentences (which in retrospect could be read as being a bit caustic), these people would like to be friends with a second Lorraine Breheny. It seems that one is not enough.

I can understand that.

A list of things I can't be bothered with at the moment

1. Going to the supermarket. I used to love grocery shopping. It was fun. Because it was shopping. And shopping = fun. I'm not sure what changed but now it bores the face off me. and it's sort of mandatory if you want to have lunch/dinner/clean teeth etc. I hate it.
2. Learning how to use my new phone. Yes I'm sure it does a Brazilian very cool things. But I'm not interested in any of them. Fuck off with your synchronising and telling me when my next hair appointment is. I want to send texts without the use of a freakin stylus and I want something smaller than my handbag to cart around...well... in my handbag.
3. Sorting out house stuff. I need my front garden mowed, a flatmate, a window fixed, an alarm, deck steps, more bokashi mix.... it's endless and little fiddly stuff that I can't be bothered with. Now if it needed a new bathroom or a second level... that I could get behind! Would anyone like to buy my house off me?
4. Five day weeks. It's been a while and frankly I'm comfortable with that. Blah Blah, you've probably heard me bang on about this before but we are the most evolved animal on the planet. Why do we spend all of our time at stupid auld work? so we can afford mortgages on houses that need things done to them all of the time? Boring.
5. My laptop being broken. This just sucks. Stupid broken screen. Stupid.

Whine over. For now. Thanks for listening. I have lots of lovely stuff that i can absolutely be bothered about. But that's for another entry.

First day back

It's the first day back in the office. It's summer in NZ so lots of people are still on leave and there's still very much a holiday vibe around the place. But at the end of the day i'm back at work on a sunny day in NZ and there are a million better things I could be doing with the day if I'm honest. And even (possibly especially) if I'm not honest.

But sure, there you go. Got to earn some money one way or the other I suppose.

So what should we talk about? Oh yes. That's right. I'm off to this on Friday. That should be fun.
You should come. We'll have fun.

It's probably not the most exciting line up I've ever seen but I've never been to a BDO in NZ so this year I'm going. Yay.

Right that's enough meaderings. Check out the link and be suitably jealous. I'm off.

2010

We made it folks. For some of us, I expect it was touch and go for a bit. I had a few of my own close shaves, mostly alcohol related. But we scraped through, managed not to die and we've got a whole new sparkly year to have a shot at.

I for one am feeling pretty positive about 2010. I don't generally consider myself a pessimist to be fair and I I'm not trying to say we're fated or anything is pre-destined. But it's sunny out, I'm still on holiday and I'm having a lovely day hanging out in my house with me Ma. So I thought I'd share some good vibes.

If I did believe in 'signs' I'd probably be less positive. I kicked off 2010 vomiting for four days, my Mum's still sick and my poor sisters got shafted by shonky travel agency and ended up taking 40 hours to complete a 26 hour journey home do sub zero Ireland.

I'm not one for new year's resolutions but I do have some big goals for 2010. I won't bore you with the full set but since I've committed to (but failed to achieve) this one before I'll confirm that this year I absolutely, categorically, 100% going to run a half marathon in under two hours.

This time next week...

...I will be in Bali. That's right folks, the Breheny Clan are doing their annual 'Let's meet up somewhere lovely' extravaganza. I am really looking forward to it and at the same time PANICKING about what needs to be sorted before I go.

I'm generally pretty cruisey when I travel. I'm not too worried about running out of clothes or forgetting anything other than my passport and credit card. But this time my Mum's coming back with me which means I need to sort the house out AND (more importantly) I also need to arrange for the cats to be fed. Generally not a prob, the flatties are very obliging but this is Xmas folks and the flattie is going to be away. Tricky. We will find a solution however. I just wish I hadn't left it to the week before to find it!

In other news, work is mental, I'm having a BBQ/party at my house this weekend for my birthday and I've got stuff on pretty much every night right up to Xmas. So perfectly set up for some gentle housework and catsitter arranging.

Gah.

Christmas

Now I know it's an absolute stereotype to be totally unprepared for Xmas. But there you go. I'm a stereotype. I haven't done a freaking thing. This weekend looked like this:

Friday: Work, Xmas party, Jeff's gig, home at 2.00 am, big chats with Claire, bed at 3.00 am
Saturday: Eight hour improv workshop on 'being in the moment'. It was great. Really really cool but I'm not sure that I was able to give it 100%, what with the dehydration and lack of sleep. Went to Jeff's with Kez for DVD and Thai food. Home at midnight to call SPCA because there was a puppy in a truck outside my house that had been there when I left at 7.30. Sort that, bed by 1.00.
Sunday: Up at 8.00 for 16km run. Whip out to beach to hang out with Godson and his current legal guardians (or 'parents' as they like to refer to themselves). We go to the park, we visit the beach. I apply a nappy to a babies arse for the third time in my life (I'm getting really good - it was the right way round and everything) and it's back into town. Meet Loki, the most beautiful of Siberian Huskies (already a pretty attractive breed I think you'll agree). We go for an unexpectedly long walk. Or a short walk followed for a long search for where we parked the car depending on how you look at it. Home, dinner, bed.

What you will notice is nowhere in the above description is there any housework, shopping for xmas presents of wrangling with my garden to try to make it look anything other than the very worst garden in the street. And it's Xmas next week. Fark.

2010? Really? Are we sure?

I remember being a kid and my grandparents saying, "This year has really flown" And thinking, "Bloody geriatrics, this week has gone on FOREVER" But really and truly, can it seriously nearly be December?

I've been in my current job for 18 months, I've been in my house for over a year, my cats are actaully eight and five not one and four as per the side pane on this blog.

Freaking crazy man.

I haven't finished my renovation stories and it's time to start putting up crimbo decorations. It's a world gone mad I tell you.

No more booze?

This is what happened after the last post:

Monday night: Book launch, two vodka cocktails. It was at the 42 Below bar. Come on.
Tuesday night: Movie night courtesy of The Heritage Hotel Group, three glasses of bubbles. Then on to catch up with Antonia and pals in Cosh, glass of Pinot Noir.
Wednesday: Definitely taking this no booze thing seriously. No booze.
Thursday: Leaving drinks for a colleague. By some gargantuan effort manage to restrict myself to half a glass of Pinot Noir. Victory lap around the building completed. Go on to dinner with D&B. Decline wine. I am a pillar of self discipline and restraint. But then they weren't drinking either.
Today: A radio station is taking me to lunch. There will be an offer of booze. If the client (me) says no, they will feel they should say no. This seems like a churlish thing to do to your hosts on a Friday afternoon.

And then it's Labour weekend. Three whole nights where you don't have to get out of bed and go to work the next day. Gawd.

Can I do it?
Can I?

I'm not sure I want to to be fair.

Ah yes, the catch call of the alchie in denial.

Not that I'm an alchie. In denial.

I survived...just

So it went ok. People laughed, no one died, no one got hurt.

And then I drank 250 litres of wine and smoked 25 cigarettes. Bad. Idea.

I just attempted a two hour run and couldn't even do half of that. I actually had an outer body experience. No more booze until after the half. That's the decision. Done and dusted.

Totally unproductive

I'm rounding out a day of being totally unproductive by updating my blog for the second time.

I can't remember when I last felt this nervous about something. And why should I be nervous? It's a room full of people who are friends and family of the people who will be doing the improv thing. And if people don't laugh, so freakin what! Not a biggie. Just one of those things. No one will die, no one will get hurt, there will be charity laughter and then we can all go and get drunk. A win all round.

So why do I keep throwing up? Why can't I concentrate on anything else? Why are my hands clammy?

Clearly I have dengue fever.

It's the only possible explanation. I am very, very sick indeed. So sick that I should probably go home and hide under the duvet and remove any risk of infecting someone else with this horrible disease. It's the selfless thing to do.

Can't concentrate

I'm going to write this to get it out of my system and get on with my day.

A few months ago I went to an improv comedy show and it reminded me how much I miss being involved with theatre. So I did an improv comedy course. And then I did a second one, which I'm half way through.

tonight we're having a sort of showcase. Where my fellow course mates and I will get up on stage in front of people we know and play improv games that we've previously only done in the safety of a local community centre with only ourselves to amuse.

Every time I think about it for even a second my stomach lurches. I'm throwing up regularly and have been for days. This may very well be one of the scariest things I'll ever do. And it's by choice, my decision, I've opted in.

Gawd.

Off for a vom.

A list of things I am looking forward to

1. Running the half marathon
2. Belinda and Dinny's wedding
3. The briefing before Belinda and Dinny's wedding so I can practice my MC stuff (I'm REALLY looking forward to this one. Ahem. Cough.)
4. Going to Bali for Xmas
5. Going home next year to see my nephew
6. Summer
7. Dinner tonight
8. Owning garden furniture
9. Going diving again
10. Being able to drink properly again after the half marathon
11. Updating this blog more regularly.

Honest.

Closing the Loop

It's been pointed out that I haven't finished off my Tales O Rennovation. Technically that's because I ahven't finished the renovation but I've come to a sort of an impasse.

(A) Because I've run out of money
(B) Because the little bits I've got left are too little to interest my builder.

So I have a deck but no steps down from it and I need to rip up a path to make it council compliant.

I had my first party at the house and depsite managing to dish out six bottles of spirits in cocktails, it remained reasonably intact. Sweet.The only casualty was the floor which is stiletto marked and scuffed, but that was always going to happen.

So in the next little while I will blog on some key points of renovation in retrospect.

Stay tuned.

INVINCIBLE

Tell tale signs that you are going to have a doozy of a hangover:
1. You start and finish drinking while it's bright but with a dark bit in the middle
2. Your feet feel like they've been grated
3. Your mouth has almost certainly had something die in it
4. The final text you sent is misspelt, inappropriate and time stamped 3.54 am
5. You run out of fingers before you finish the list of the types of drinks you had
6. The word 'Jaegermeister' is on that list
7. You made a new best friend
8. You get home in time to chat to your flattie before she goes for her morning run
9. You send her to make you tea and toast but pass out before she gets back
10. You wake up two hours later fully dressed, and eat the toast because it might 'save you'

And it did, or something did, because I feel fine. Two hours sleep, eleven billion units of alcohol. Tip top, sparky, box o birds.

No more Tuna

Last night I went home and there was the bones of a kitchen in the space that my builders had made for it. Imagine! Cupboards to put stuff in, benches for preparing stuff, holes for ovens and dishwashers and everything. Even room for a sink.

Today they were finishing it off (although it still needs proper benches and a splashback and a rangehood). I'll even be able to cook in it and everything.

And I'm not kidding when I say, not a day too soon. Today I looked at the can of tuna on my desk. Sitting expectantly, waiting to be opened and made into a tuna salad.

And I Just. Couldn't. Face it.

I've finally eaten as much as I can take of tuna salad.

I had hummus with salad instead.

Nearly...there

I think this is almost the final week. Well at least for the major stuff. On Friday I will have a kitchen. It won't be a totally final kitchen but it will have one essential item... an oven.

No oven, no microwave, no hot food in my own home for four weeks. Mates have been amazing and I'm still not sick of tuna salads but I am so, totally, completely, utterly ready to be able to cook in my house again.

For that matter I'm ready to have cupboards and drawers to put stuff in and somewhere to plug in the kettle. And a bench to put it on. And a sink to wash the dishes in (there's somthing just so totally skanky about washing your dishes in the bathroom).

I'm also ready to have curtains in my bedroom, bookcases with books on them and a deck without old kitchen cabinetry and a toilet on it.

Little things.

Day 48 - As mentioned... it's the little things

I don't think I'm a terribly unreasonable person. I can be a bit OCD about cleaning, I hate it when people say they're going to do something but don't and I have firm views on bigotry of all kinds. But generally I think I'm pretty cruisey.

But I have been amazed at four little things have driven my WILD with rage in the course of this renovation. Full credit to Charlie who's project managed the whole process and arranged for every single one to be fixed but it's hard to get over that feeling of pure anger. And they're really not ginormous things that will dramatically effect me or anyone I love in the long term.

1. The tap for the bath being at the foot of the bath when I wanted it on the side
2. The window in the front room being painted without removing the curtain rail
3. The drawer in the bathroom cabinet not being put in properly so it sticks a bit and is a bit lob sided
4. The wardrobe doors not being what I expected

When you consider he's pretty much got each of the 3,586 other things exactly right, that's not a long list. Nor is it a list of major things. But as mentioned... WILD with rage.