Sorry it's taken so long... but here goes.
Where was I? Oh yes. Was planning to buy presents and then this happened.
I got in the queue for immigration. An hour later I was still in the queue for immigration. What was most frustrating about this was that they kept opening new queues but taking the people from the BACK of our queue over to the new queue. Which would then get procesed super fast while we stayed in our S.L.O.W. queue. So the Jamaican lady in front of me had a shout at the immigration steward who was moving people around with no regard to who had been there first etc. She pointed out that 'It's like a freeway. You never know which lane is going to move faster."
Philosophical.
No one else seemed to be philosophical about it though and pretty soon this lady was getting dogs abuse. At this point, I had been in the queue for two hours and my concern had moved from not having time to shop to missing my connecting flight. I spoke to the Aristotle of US Immigration and she told me that I should have told her when I first got to the queue that I had a flight to catch. I pointed out that two hours ago and fifteenth in the queue I thought I had plenty of time to spare. "I'll see what I can do." she said.
Apparently what she could do was to move herself to work on another queue. That queue was far enough away that I would have to leave my queue and lose my place to go and talk to her again. Or shriek at her and probably take 65 bullets to the face by trigger happy yank wank guards.
Here's a sugestion LAX- since you insist on people who don't even want to enter you're shitty, bullying, capitalist pig dog country clearing immigration, how about you have seperate queues for those people who have connecting flights. It's hardly a giant mental leap.
So EVENTUALLY I cleared immigration and I still had to collect my luggage, clear customs, check in, clear security and board. My flight was boarding in twenty minutes. By the time I got to security my flight was boarding. The line was (Now I know I'm prone to a bit of exaggeration but this is the God's honest truth) 250 metres long. I whiped past the line to the security guard, certain that I could skip ahead as my flight was boarding. The security guard looked exactly like Adam Sandler wold if he was a couple of stone heavier.
I fucking hate Adam Sandler. The conversation went like this:
Lorraine: (A bit breathless after sprinting quite a bit, but smiling and friendly) My flight is boarding now
Fat Adam Sandler (FAD): (Smiling delightedly with a vacant look in his eye) Uh
Lorraine:( in a 'oh sorry, it's my accent, you didn't understand me' tone) My Flight. It's boarding now.
FAD: (Still DElighted with himself and nodding) Uh Uh.
Lorraine: So can I go through please?
FAD: Nope
Now here's what I should have said in order to make my point that I am a polite if somewhat stressed passenger and he is not being as helpful as I'm sure he is encouraged to be by his supervisor:
"Oh I understand now, See when you said, "Uh" I just assumed that you were one of those moronic, slow wited morans that your country specialises in the mass production of. But now I see you are in fact a rude and unhelpful neanderthal."
What I actaully said was "Cock sucking mother fucker" Which although harsher, makes me look like the nasty customer.
I can visualise his face now and I really really want to SLAP it.
I fucking hate LAX
Monday, February 18, 2008
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
LAX
Los Angelus Airport.
I FUCKING HATE the place.
I will be including a number of inflammatory words and links in the attempt to make this blog noteworthy to the American Government and so get my complaint letter on record by any means necessary.
George Bush, Death threat, Saddam Hussein.
The thing about passing through America on your way to somewhere else is that a while ago, some terrorists flew some of their planes into some of their buildings. This is very very very sad. And as a result they are conscious of security the way I am often conscious of my head after drinking nine bottles of wine.
Jihad, Osama Bin Laden, 9/11.
That's fair enough. Now it's quite frustrating that the response to this terrorism hangover is that, on a stopover, from one country to the next, I need to clear immigration, have my photo taken, get fingerprinted, collect all of my luggage, clear customs and go and check it all the fuck back in, clear security, get xrayed and finally go to my shitty departure lounge because LAX was built before a single person in America had any notion of class, comfort or style. But that's the price you pay for transiting in the States and the upside is it increases your luggage allowance.
Terrorism, National security, Suicide bomber.
However.
Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam.
They seem to have a further obligation to make this process as frustrating as possible.
War, Attack, Invasion.
So on my way home I had a three and a half hour stopover in LAX. 'Ah' I thought, 'I will stock up on books in Barnes and Noble'(books are weirdly expensive in NZ), 'I will visit MAC and MAX my credit card, I will investigate the shops for a present for Dee Bee's birthday.'
Day of reckoning, American infidels, Communism.
No no and no.
Bomb, explosion, incendary device.
I'll have to tell this in installments. I'm getting too angry.
I FUCKING HATE the place.
I will be including a number of inflammatory words and links in the attempt to make this blog noteworthy to the American Government and so get my complaint letter on record by any means necessary.
George Bush, Death threat, Saddam Hussein.
The thing about passing through America on your way to somewhere else is that a while ago, some terrorists flew some of their planes into some of their buildings. This is very very very sad. And as a result they are conscious of security the way I am often conscious of my head after drinking nine bottles of wine.
Jihad, Osama Bin Laden, 9/11.
That's fair enough. Now it's quite frustrating that the response to this terrorism hangover is that, on a stopover, from one country to the next, I need to clear immigration, have my photo taken, get fingerprinted, collect all of my luggage, clear customs and go and check it all the fuck back in, clear security, get xrayed and finally go to my shitty departure lounge because LAX was built before a single person in America had any notion of class, comfort or style. But that's the price you pay for transiting in the States and the upside is it increases your luggage allowance.
Terrorism, National security, Suicide bomber.
However.
Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam.
They seem to have a further obligation to make this process as frustrating as possible.
War, Attack, Invasion.
So on my way home I had a three and a half hour stopover in LAX. 'Ah' I thought, 'I will stock up on books in Barnes and Noble'(books are weirdly expensive in NZ), 'I will visit MAC and MAX my credit card, I will investigate the shops for a present for Dee Bee's birthday.'
Day of reckoning, American infidels, Communism.
No no and no.
Bomb, explosion, incendary device.
I'll have to tell this in installments. I'm getting too angry.
More stories
I have many more random travel stories that didn't quite make the grade while I was there. But I will include them here over the next few days/weeks.
I should say that the reason that I haven't updated here since I got back is because I have been in one of two states that precludes me from updating.
In work
Pissed
This morning it is Waitangi Day in NZ (the day they signed an agreement with Her Maj to let her have the country in return for her protection - this is the non controversial version of the treaty of Waitangi. In fact there are still a series of treaty claims and it's a big political lever. But this isn't really that kind of blog - google it if you're interested). Anyway the point is I'm at home. And although i have a hint of badger's arse in my mouth from last night's drinking I can at least type a sentence without gagging. That's probably because I restrained myself knowing that I was getting pissed today.
Anyway, which story to start with.....
I should say that the reason that I haven't updated here since I got back is because I have been in one of two states that precludes me from updating.
In work
Pissed
This morning it is Waitangi Day in NZ (the day they signed an agreement with Her Maj to let her have the country in return for her protection - this is the non controversial version of the treaty of Waitangi. In fact there are still a series of treaty claims and it's a big political lever. But this isn't really that kind of blog - google it if you're interested). Anyway the point is I'm at home. And although i have a hint of badger's arse in my mouth from last night's drinking I can at least type a sentence without gagging. That's probably because I restrained myself knowing that I was getting pissed today.
Anyway, which story to start with.....
Friday, January 25, 2008
Nearly over
I think I´ve finally cracked hyperlinking ... we´ll see
After two failed attempts to dive on this trip (and one in NZ just before I left) I was starting to think I was jinxed. But I´ve finished off the trip with three days of spectacular diving and I can´t believe it´s nearly over.
I did two reef dives, two at Cozumel (unreal wall of coral) and today, two Cenote dives. When I first did scuba diving in the ocean, I said it was like flinding another planet. Well today I found another one again. Completely different. I loved it.
And now all that´s left to do is pack, get a bus to Cancun (I´m in Playa Del Carmen), pick up some luggage at Dreams and then I´m on a plane home. Obviously I´m not DREADING going back to NZ, but to be fair, I could easily go another couple of months out here. I have fallen in love love love (with the place and people in general - not an individual!!)
For those of you in NZ... see you soon. For those of you not... come and visit, for those of you I´ve met on this trip - thanks for makign it memorable... and come and visit.
After two failed attempts to dive on this trip (and one in NZ just before I left) I was starting to think I was jinxed. But I´ve finished off the trip with three days of spectacular diving and I can´t believe it´s nearly over.
I did two reef dives, two at Cozumel (unreal wall of coral) and today, two Cenote dives. When I first did scuba diving in the ocean, I said it was like flinding another planet. Well today I found another one again. Completely different. I loved it.
And now all that´s left to do is pack, get a bus to Cancun (I´m in Playa Del Carmen), pick up some luggage at Dreams and then I´m on a plane home. Obviously I´m not DREADING going back to NZ, but to be fair, I could easily go another couple of months out here. I have fallen in love love love (with the place and people in general - not an individual!!)
For those of you in NZ... see you soon. For those of you not... come and visit, for those of you I´ve met on this trip - thanks for makign it memorable... and come and visit.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Travel roles
Alex and I have travelled a lot togethere. Having travelled a lot together we had certain roles that each of us took becuase we were better at it than the other one. Alex looked after money (boys´ clothes just naturally have more pockets), I always organised the accomodation (partly becuase I´m fussier, partly because it just seemed like I would get rooms when Alex had just been told they were completley full for the next six weeks).
Anyway, it´s not that I can´t work exchange rates or when Alex goes traveling he can´t find places to stay and sleeps rough. It was just that we had our roles.
However there is one thing that was Alex´s role that was purely and simply because I am SHIT at it. Navigation (that´s ´finding places´ to the rest of us).
I couldn´t navigate my way out of a paper bag. I have no sense of direction. I get lost on the way to the bathroom.
But on this trip I have embraced this flaw and just not tried to go anywhere that isn´t really really close to where I am without a cab, or someone else accompanying me who can find their arse with both hands. And I haven´t been lost once (well not really, really lost, just `oh well that restaurant has obviously shut, moved or melted, I´ll just go to this one instead´lost).
Which is why I was very disappointed with myself today when I suddenly realised that when I´d left the ruins at Tulum and gone straight I should have taken a right in order to get back to my hostal.
Here is the list of reasons why this is particularly embarassing:
1. My hostal is about 600m from the ruins. I walked about 2km before I began to think I may have gone wrong
2. On my way to the ruins, I walked past a market, an info booth and some lean tos. On my way from the ruins I walked past a ticket booth and about five hotels before I suspected something was up
3. The fucking Carribean Ocean was on my left when it should have been behind me.
As landmarks go - that´s a tough one to overlook.
Anyway, it´s not that I can´t work exchange rates or when Alex goes traveling he can´t find places to stay and sleeps rough. It was just that we had our roles.
However there is one thing that was Alex´s role that was purely and simply because I am SHIT at it. Navigation (that´s ´finding places´ to the rest of us).
I couldn´t navigate my way out of a paper bag. I have no sense of direction. I get lost on the way to the bathroom.
But on this trip I have embraced this flaw and just not tried to go anywhere that isn´t really really close to where I am without a cab, or someone else accompanying me who can find their arse with both hands. And I haven´t been lost once (well not really, really lost, just `oh well that restaurant has obviously shut, moved or melted, I´ll just go to this one instead´lost).
Which is why I was very disappointed with myself today when I suddenly realised that when I´d left the ruins at Tulum and gone straight I should have taken a right in order to get back to my hostal.
Here is the list of reasons why this is particularly embarassing:
1. My hostal is about 600m from the ruins. I walked about 2km before I began to think I may have gone wrong
2. On my way to the ruins, I walked past a market, an info booth and some lean tos. On my way from the ruins I walked past a ticket booth and about five hotels before I suspected something was up
3. The fucking Carribean Ocean was on my left when it should have been behind me.
As landmarks go - that´s a tough one to overlook.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Back in Mexico
Following the previous post I decided to catch the ferry from Caye Caulker to San Pedro and do some diving and a couple of wildlife watching tours. I had heard that San Pedro was an upmarket (and more expensive) version of Caye Caulker and they did regular jungle tours etc. Arriving on the Caye I went into the tourist office to see if they could recommend a good budget hostel. They recommended Ruby's which was also in my guidebook. They only had a double room for the first night but there were singles available after that. I was keen to get my bag dropped off and go and sort my tours so I said ok once I'd seen the double room even though even the single room was going to be the most I'd spent so far at US$20 a night.
So I went and investigated and realised that my budget wasn't going to stretch to a diving trip and a wildlife one. So I opted for diving and booked it for today. Yesterday I moved to the single room. It had a padlock on the outside to shut it and from the inside just a rusty bolt in rotton wood to hold the door shut. There was a guy sitting under my window (and when I say 'window' I mean ´fly screen' watching the world go by and drinking a bottle of whiskey. When I returned from a wander he was plastered and tried to come into my room with me.
I went out later and confirmed my dive for today and he'd passed out in the room next to mine with the door open. He soon revived though. From inside my room I could hear him shouting to women to come up to his room around eight. Not one but TWO pimps popped by to see what he needed for the night. He was very specific.
He had a buddy who he was yakking to and from the conversation (which was taking place about a metre from where I sat on my bed with just the fly screen to dull the sound) I discovered that he´d been in the US security forces, he came to SP every year and always stayed at Ruby´s, that he had plenty of booze and drugs for the night, EXACTLY what he spent his time (and money) doing and he was claiming that he had slept with me (amongst many, many others).
At this point I was pretty fucking miserable to be fair. It was only 6.30. If I was going to use the bathroom or get something to eat I was going to have to walk right past this asshole and I was REALLY conscious of the shitty lock on the door and the fact that I didn´t really have a window pane in the window hole.
The thing is this ridiculous travelling pride thing. Every backpacker has a cache of stories about shitty accomodation and transport. About food poisoning, bed bugs and near death experiences. They wear them like badges and trot them out to show how passionate they are about travel, what they´ll endure to make a dollar go further and get an extra day/week/month in Asia/Europe/Central America. And when I say ´they´I mean ´we´. I am absolutely guilty of it. I´ve had shitty rooms, dodgy food and caught buses and trains that were marginally cheeper for much lower quality. I´ve even stayed in a brothel in Singapore before and actually felt perfectly fine with a decent lock and the knowledge that in a couple of days Alex would arrive to meet me and we´d laugh about it.
But after an hour of his ranting I´d had enough. I reckoned that booze, drugs, shitty locks and a solo female traveller who knew no one in the town combo was just too big a risk. I grabbed my stuff and legged it.
Unfortunately my cards, passport and cash was in the office safe (as I was planning to be out all day the next day diving) and I only had US$40 on me to pay my national park fee. The office was locked for the night.
To make a long story a little bit shorter, I had to cancel my dive, use the money to book into the (expensive but safe safe safe) hotel affiliated with the dive shop and I got out of there as soon as I had my stuff and am now relieved to be back in Mexico.
So I went and investigated and realised that my budget wasn't going to stretch to a diving trip and a wildlife one. So I opted for diving and booked it for today. Yesterday I moved to the single room. It had a padlock on the outside to shut it and from the inside just a rusty bolt in rotton wood to hold the door shut. There was a guy sitting under my window (and when I say 'window' I mean ´fly screen' watching the world go by and drinking a bottle of whiskey. When I returned from a wander he was plastered and tried to come into my room with me.
I went out later and confirmed my dive for today and he'd passed out in the room next to mine with the door open. He soon revived though. From inside my room I could hear him shouting to women to come up to his room around eight. Not one but TWO pimps popped by to see what he needed for the night. He was very specific.
He had a buddy who he was yakking to and from the conversation (which was taking place about a metre from where I sat on my bed with just the fly screen to dull the sound) I discovered that he´d been in the US security forces, he came to SP every year and always stayed at Ruby´s, that he had plenty of booze and drugs for the night, EXACTLY what he spent his time (and money) doing and he was claiming that he had slept with me (amongst many, many others).
At this point I was pretty fucking miserable to be fair. It was only 6.30. If I was going to use the bathroom or get something to eat I was going to have to walk right past this asshole and I was REALLY conscious of the shitty lock on the door and the fact that I didn´t really have a window pane in the window hole.
The thing is this ridiculous travelling pride thing. Every backpacker has a cache of stories about shitty accomodation and transport. About food poisoning, bed bugs and near death experiences. They wear them like badges and trot them out to show how passionate they are about travel, what they´ll endure to make a dollar go further and get an extra day/week/month in Asia/Europe/Central America. And when I say ´they´I mean ´we´. I am absolutely guilty of it. I´ve had shitty rooms, dodgy food and caught buses and trains that were marginally cheeper for much lower quality. I´ve even stayed in a brothel in Singapore before and actually felt perfectly fine with a decent lock and the knowledge that in a couple of days Alex would arrive to meet me and we´d laugh about it.
But after an hour of his ranting I´d had enough. I reckoned that booze, drugs, shitty locks and a solo female traveller who knew no one in the town combo was just too big a risk. I grabbed my stuff and legged it.
Unfortunately my cards, passport and cash was in the office safe (as I was planning to be out all day the next day diving) and I only had US$40 on me to pay my national park fee. The office was locked for the night.
To make a long story a little bit shorter, I had to cancel my dive, use the money to book into the (expensive but safe safe safe) hotel affiliated with the dive shop and I got out of there as soon as I had my stuff and am now relieved to be back in Mexico.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
What a day!
Today I awoke to my first hangover of 2008. I remember now why I stopped drinking beer. I doubt it will be my last but I really, really did not enjoy the experience. Particularly as the plan was to go manatee watching and snorkling. I had planned to go with Alan and Julie, a Canadian couple that I met on the way to Flores in Guatemala. Peer pressure prevailed and I went. So rough but so glad.
Manatees, rays, parrot fish, pelicans, storks and a whole day on a boat. Lovely lovely lovely. Best way to shift a hangover. Although I'm still a bit seedy and definitely not drinking tonight! At least right now...
I'm in Belize (Ker, I'm totting up those countries!) which is beautiful but a lot more expensive than the other places I've been so I think I'll do some wildlife watching in the next couple of days and get out of here. Back to Mexico, a final set of ruins and a few days on the beach before the mammoth trek back home.
A couple of days ago I watched the sunrise over the jungle and Tikal and heard howler monkeys, toucans and parrots wake up. One of the best things I've done on this trip and probably ever. For those of you in NZ, if you don't want to be bored to death by photos, you should avoid me for the first couple of weeks!
Manatees, rays, parrot fish, pelicans, storks and a whole day on a boat. Lovely lovely lovely. Best way to shift a hangover. Although I'm still a bit seedy and definitely not drinking tonight! At least right now...
I'm in Belize (Ker, I'm totting up those countries!) which is beautiful but a lot more expensive than the other places I've been so I think I'll do some wildlife watching in the next couple of days and get out of here. Back to Mexico, a final set of ruins and a few days on the beach before the mammoth trek back home.
A couple of days ago I watched the sunrise over the jungle and Tikal and heard howler monkeys, toucans and parrots wake up. One of the best things I've done on this trip and probably ever. For those of you in NZ, if you don't want to be bored to death by photos, you should avoid me for the first couple of weeks!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Why I love New Zealand
Facebook is the shit. It really is. While I was on there today loading photos I noticed that one of my kiwi friends had updated her status to ´is sad about Sir Ed´. Realising that she probably meant Sir Edmund Hillary I rushed to the NZ Herald website to find out what happened. Below is a small extract from the piece;
'To the people of the Himalayas, he was a god. Around the world, he was regarded as the greatest of adventurers, the man whose extraordinary endurance forever changed perceptions of human possibility.
And for New Zealanders, Sir Ed was everything a good bastard ought to be...'
Only only only in NZ would they say 'XX was everything a good bastard should be' on an award winning, media website.
Never in a million years would you see that on the home page of the The Guardian or The Washington Post or The Irish Times. Can you imagine? ´Today we mourn the death of the Arch Bishop of Canterbury - a thoroughly good bastard´,´Millions flocked to pay tribute to one of our nation's best bastard - Stephen Spielberg´, ´Our country is in shock on hearing of the tragic death of one of our good bastards, Eammonn Dumphy´ Atually if you left out ´good´in the last one I could imagine that in print.
I think it´s fucking brilliant. Full link below for anyone who would like to read the rest of the tribute which has some very endearing stories about a real hero.
'To the people of the Himalayas, he was a god. Around the world, he was regarded as the greatest of adventurers, the man whose extraordinary endurance forever changed perceptions of human possibility.
And for New Zealanders, Sir Ed was everything a good bastard ought to be...'
Only only only in NZ would they say 'XX was everything a good bastard should be' on an award winning, media website.
Never in a million years would you see that on the home page of the The Guardian or The Washington Post or The Irish Times. Can you imagine? ´Today we mourn the death of the Arch Bishop of Canterbury - a thoroughly good bastard´,´Millions flocked to pay tribute to one of our nation's best bastard - Stephen Spielberg´, ´Our country is in shock on hearing of the tragic death of one of our good bastards, Eammonn Dumphy´ Atually if you left out ´good´in the last one I could imagine that in print.
I think it´s fucking brilliant. Full link below for anyone who would like to read the rest of the tribute which has some very endearing stories about a real hero.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Driving in Guatemala
Here are some things I have learnt about driving (that´s being driven in my case) in Guatemala.
1. Suspension is for the WEAK.
2. (Speedlimit + 40KMPH) x (Cobbled streets + 1000 years of earthquakes/subsuidence) = (Becoming airborne x a lot)
3. Vehicles in front of you are to be taken over AT ALL COSTS and regardless of speed, size or proximity to oncoming traffic.
4. Use of a single indicator makes you a pussy. If indicators must be used, use your hazards and keep your options open
5. Car jacks are not to be relied on. However this does not mean that you should inconvenience any of the people by asking them to get out of the vehicle while you change a tyre.
6. Sometime animals just like to hang out on the road.
7. If you´re taking the corners at the right speed, the centrifugal force should extract DNA from your passengers.
8. You should accelerate AS FAST AS YOU CAN as soon as all doors are shut. This will aid the passengers who are still standing to find their seats. If they find them with their face rather than their arse... well at least they´ll reach their destination 1/8th of a second faster.
9. If you are a passenger and attempt to rest your head on ANYTHING in an attempt to sleep, you will aquire a dent in it. This dent will be painful but you will be utterly unable to stop yourself from prodding it for the next four days to see if you can still fit your finger inside it.
10. If you get a ridiculously cheap fare it´s because they are paying their driver youth rates. They are paying him youth rates because he is a youth. I.e 14 tops.
11. 14 year old drivers are much more cautious and look like they´re going to cry when you all almost die. Which is nice.
12. If you are hot and the fans aren´t working. Simply mention it to your driver. He will very helpfully, scoot over to the passenger side of the vehicle and and open the other window. It´s important to note that he will definitely still be driving at the time. He may even be overtaking.
13. Sitting in the front seat or anywhere where you can see how close you almost came to hitting whatever if was is foolish, foolish, foolish.
14. Beeping is the punctuation of the highway. It is to be used regularly.
15. No matter how much you tell yourself that your outfit is comprised of sufficient layers to perfectly match all altitudes, speeds, seasons, times of the day and level of exposure to the elements/ open air nature of the vehicle, it fucking isn´t. You will be FREEZING at some point. At another point you will be far, far, far far far too hot. This may repeat depending on the journey.
1. Suspension is for the WEAK.
2. (Speedlimit + 40KMPH) x (Cobbled streets + 1000 years of earthquakes/subsuidence) = (Becoming airborne x a lot)
3. Vehicles in front of you are to be taken over AT ALL COSTS and regardless of speed, size or proximity to oncoming traffic.
4. Use of a single indicator makes you a pussy. If indicators must be used, use your hazards and keep your options open
5. Car jacks are not to be relied on. However this does not mean that you should inconvenience any of the people by asking them to get out of the vehicle while you change a tyre.
6. Sometime animals just like to hang out on the road.
7. If you´re taking the corners at the right speed, the centrifugal force should extract DNA from your passengers.
8. You should accelerate AS FAST AS YOU CAN as soon as all doors are shut. This will aid the passengers who are still standing to find their seats. If they find them with their face rather than their arse... well at least they´ll reach their destination 1/8th of a second faster.
9. If you are a passenger and attempt to rest your head on ANYTHING in an attempt to sleep, you will aquire a dent in it. This dent will be painful but you will be utterly unable to stop yourself from prodding it for the next four days to see if you can still fit your finger inside it.
10. If you get a ridiculously cheap fare it´s because they are paying their driver youth rates. They are paying him youth rates because he is a youth. I.e 14 tops.
11. 14 year old drivers are much more cautious and look like they´re going to cry when you all almost die. Which is nice.
12. If you are hot and the fans aren´t working. Simply mention it to your driver. He will very helpfully, scoot over to the passenger side of the vehicle and and open the other window. It´s important to note that he will definitely still be driving at the time. He may even be overtaking.
13. Sitting in the front seat or anywhere where you can see how close you almost came to hitting whatever if was is foolish, foolish, foolish.
14. Beeping is the punctuation of the highway. It is to be used regularly.
15. No matter how much you tell yourself that your outfit is comprised of sufficient layers to perfectly match all altitudes, speeds, seasons, times of the day and level of exposure to the elements/ open air nature of the vehicle, it fucking isn´t. You will be FREEZING at some point. At another point you will be far, far, far far far too hot. This may repeat depending on the journey.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Are you serious?
I will preface this with a disclaimer. I am not a touch typist and this keyboard had has all of the letters apart from qwypfj rubbed off.
When it comes to jewlellery, as I often say, I´m definitely quantity over quality. I generally prefer the look of tat to expensive stuff, I crave variety and I lose earrings at a scary pace. But occasionally when I travel I do like to try to get somehting ´nice´and local. The big four here are silver, jade, obsidian and turquoise. I´ve alteady stocked up on silver as that falls into the same price bracket as tat in many places. Now buying jade in CA and taking it back to NZ is a bit sand to Arabs and snow to Eskimos and obsidian - neh. But Turquoise is my birth stone, and pretty, so I´ve had a look at a few shops.
Today I went into a jade shop thinking they would have turquise also. They didn´t. But they did have a very smart looking and smiley man who I said good afternoon to and smiles at before realising he was holding a BIG FUCKING MACHINE GUN.
When it comes to jewlellery, as I often say, I´m definitely quantity over quality. I generally prefer the look of tat to expensive stuff, I crave variety and I lose earrings at a scary pace. But occasionally when I travel I do like to try to get somehting ´nice´and local. The big four here are silver, jade, obsidian and turquoise. I´ve alteady stocked up on silver as that falls into the same price bracket as tat in many places. Now buying jade in CA and taking it back to NZ is a bit sand to Arabs and snow to Eskimos and obsidian - neh. But Turquoise is my birth stone, and pretty, so I´ve had a look at a few shops.
Today I went into a jade shop thinking they would have turquise also. They didn´t. But they did have a very smart looking and smiley man who I said good afternoon to and smiles at before realising he was holding a BIG FUCKING MACHINE GUN.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Tribute to a faithful travel companion
Having ignored the absolutely true adage, a stitch in time saves nine, my rucksack lid has needed major surgery to halt the decline of the seams and prevent it coming away in someone´s hand, possibly as it was being lifted onto the roof of a bus. Today it got to crisis stage and I finally had a chance to track down a needle and thread in a hardware shop.
I bought twenty needles, partly because this was the quantity they came in and partly because sewing through two layers of that fake canvas they make rucksacks out of, two layers of waterproofing and, in some cases, a triple reinforced seem, I anticipated it would take about ten needles to repair the twenty or so cm of damage.
Now I know that it´s a funny thing to pick as your first thing to RAVE about when you get to a new country (and let me be clear- I am finding Guatemala enchanting and will no doubt prattle on about that at some stage soon), but these needles were frickin fantastic. Seriously. I didn´t break a single one! You could sew rhino hide with these babies.
My sewing is rough as bricks and rucksack is not pretty but what rucksack is?
I bought my rucksack in Scotland and since then it has flown, bussed, hitched, ferried, trained, trekked, shuttled, cabbed, biked, sailed, hiked, driven, scootered and riden through 20 countries with me. It´s been thrown, slid, hefted, hoisted, dragged, dumped, dropped and pulled by every possible strap, support and grip on it thousands of times.
Its harness had to be replaced after a particularly disastrous attempt to hitch in a national park in Kangaroo island, South Australia, it´s missing one of it´s clips and it is truly truly FILTHY in an ingrained, will never again be clean, kind of way. I think this is its last trip.
I bought twenty needles, partly because this was the quantity they came in and partly because sewing through two layers of that fake canvas they make rucksacks out of, two layers of waterproofing and, in some cases, a triple reinforced seem, I anticipated it would take about ten needles to repair the twenty or so cm of damage.
Now I know that it´s a funny thing to pick as your first thing to RAVE about when you get to a new country (and let me be clear- I am finding Guatemala enchanting and will no doubt prattle on about that at some stage soon), but these needles were frickin fantastic. Seriously. I didn´t break a single one! You could sew rhino hide with these babies.
My sewing is rough as bricks and rucksack is not pretty but what rucksack is?
I bought my rucksack in Scotland and since then it has flown, bussed, hitched, ferried, trained, trekked, shuttled, cabbed, biked, sailed, hiked, driven, scootered and riden through 20 countries with me. It´s been thrown, slid, hefted, hoisted, dragged, dumped, dropped and pulled by every possible strap, support and grip on it thousands of times.
Its harness had to be replaced after a particularly disastrous attempt to hitch in a national park in Kangaroo island, South Australia, it´s missing one of it´s clips and it is truly truly FILTHY in an ingrained, will never again be clean, kind of way. I think this is its last trip.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
The next inatallment
It´s been a whirlwind I tell ya. A real whirlwind.
I´m currently in Panajachel in Guatemala having just crossed the Mexican border a few hours ago.
After the blissful holiday with the clan in what was really really a BEAUTIFUL resort, I have gone solo and have visited Campeche, Pallanque, San Cristobel de la Casa and, as mentioned, am currently in Pana on Lake Atitlan. So much to tell so will share some highs and lows.
HIGHS (in no particular order)
Seeing the fam
Having dolphins under the bedroom window every morning while I was in Cancun
Completely, completely relaxing after a big year
New Years in Mexico with my clan
Old buildings - some of them really old!
Lovely, lovely people
Realising that arriving in a new place will never, ever lose it´s appeal for me
Being able to do exactly what I want
Lows
Getting slightly sick for the whole time I was in Cancun meaning that my one attempt to dive turned into an expensive lesson that equalising is not possible when you´ve got a runny nose
Getting groped outside a church and realising I don´t know the Spanish for 'fuck off'
I think that´s it for the lows. Not bad for three weeks of travel I reckon.
For those of you on Facebook I am trying my hardest to upload some photos but it´s proving a challenge. For those of you not on Facebook.... get on there, this is 2008 for chrissakes!
I´m currently in Panajachel in Guatemala having just crossed the Mexican border a few hours ago.
After the blissful holiday with the clan in what was really really a BEAUTIFUL resort, I have gone solo and have visited Campeche, Pallanque, San Cristobel de la Casa and, as mentioned, am currently in Pana on Lake Atitlan. So much to tell so will share some highs and lows.
HIGHS (in no particular order)
Seeing the fam
Having dolphins under the bedroom window every morning while I was in Cancun
Completely, completely relaxing after a big year
New Years in Mexico with my clan
Old buildings - some of them really old!
Lovely, lovely people
Realising that arriving in a new place will never, ever lose it´s appeal for me
Being able to do exactly what I want
Lows
Getting slightly sick for the whole time I was in Cancun meaning that my one attempt to dive turned into an expensive lesson that equalising is not possible when you´ve got a runny nose
Getting groped outside a church and realising I don´t know the Spanish for 'fuck off'
I think that´s it for the lows. Not bad for three weeks of travel I reckon.
For those of you on Facebook I am trying my hardest to upload some photos but it´s proving a challenge. For those of you not on Facebook.... get on there, this is 2008 for chrissakes!
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Next installment
So Im writing this in stages and way behind but I did really want to relay this story as i think i have unearhted a sinister international conspiracy.
I got to the airport in Mexico City to fly to meet the fam in Cancun. Now my experiences of flying in Peru taught me that flight times are a guideline at best. So I wasn't 100% sure that I would be landing on time. However...
She said somehting quickly in Spanish and although I don't speak Spanish I'm pretty sure that she said that my tickets had been cancelled. I repeated it in english and she nodded and went on typing furiously. Evenetually the guy on the next desk leaned in and said, 'Your flight's been cancelled' When i aksed why, he simply said 'No pilots' in the same way that you might say, 'we're out of diet coke'. 'Ah,' I said.
Eventually they put me on a flight leaving three hours later.
However the clan were planning to meet me at the airport as their flight was getting in at roughly the same time. I asked if I could call the hotel in Cancun. I was sent to the information desk.
Eventually I spoke to someone who took me into a back office and introduced me to a girl who could make a phonecall for me. I felt bad interrupting her cigarette break (there was a lit cig smouldering away on her keyboard) but she was very nice. Unfortunately I didn't have the number for the hotel. I suggested the internet. This illicited gasps of incredulity, 'We don't have inernet in this office!' Or a phone book or in fact anyway of looking up a number.
So I went to an internet hub and failed to find the website for the hotel. I found a million websites where I could book a room in the hotel, a million places where i could look at pictures. But noone had a freakin number. So I had a brainwave. I'll leave a message with their airline.
So I walked to the international section of the irport. Queued for 40 mins in the check in queue which doubled as a info queue. When I got to the top of the line, I told the gent from American Airlines that I wanted to get a message to American Airlines in Cancun, 'You want to get a message to American Airlines in Cancun?!?!?! That is impossible. How would i do that?' Eventually he recommended that I call them. So I asked for a number for their Cancun office. This resulted in a many more raised eye brows and looks implying I was asking for something entirely unreasonable. Eventually he gave me a number in the states for customer service and I treked back to my airline and queued again for the info desk.
To make a long story short when I eventually got to call AA I got a 'computer says no' response. It is impossible to get messages to people travelling on AA. Under any circumstaces.
So here's my theory. The airline industry survives only because some things just have to be done in person. Attending weddings, diving in the carribean, celebrating xmas with your family. However modern telecommunications, (phone, internet, email, teleconference etc) is making the more mundane, day to day stuff possible without any travel. The airline industry is resisting this by not embracing any of this technology themselves and making it as hard as possible to communicate (even internally!!) with people. Bastards. I bet not a single one of them has a decent internal communications manager.
I got to the airport in Mexico City to fly to meet the fam in Cancun. Now my experiences of flying in Peru taught me that flight times are a guideline at best. So I wasn't 100% sure that I would be landing on time. However...
She said somehting quickly in Spanish and although I don't speak Spanish I'm pretty sure that she said that my tickets had been cancelled. I repeated it in english and she nodded and went on typing furiously. Evenetually the guy on the next desk leaned in and said, 'Your flight's been cancelled' When i aksed why, he simply said 'No pilots' in the same way that you might say, 'we're out of diet coke'. 'Ah,' I said.
Eventually they put me on a flight leaving three hours later.
However the clan were planning to meet me at the airport as their flight was getting in at roughly the same time. I asked if I could call the hotel in Cancun. I was sent to the information desk.
Eventually I spoke to someone who took me into a back office and introduced me to a girl who could make a phonecall for me. I felt bad interrupting her cigarette break (there was a lit cig smouldering away on her keyboard) but she was very nice. Unfortunately I didn't have the number for the hotel. I suggested the internet. This illicited gasps of incredulity, 'We don't have inernet in this office!' Or a phone book or in fact anyway of looking up a number.
So I went to an internet hub and failed to find the website for the hotel. I found a million websites where I could book a room in the hotel, a million places where i could look at pictures. But noone had a freakin number. So I had a brainwave. I'll leave a message with their airline.
So I walked to the international section of the irport. Queued for 40 mins in the check in queue which doubled as a info queue. When I got to the top of the line, I told the gent from American Airlines that I wanted to get a message to American Airlines in Cancun, 'You want to get a message to American Airlines in Cancun?!?!?! That is impossible. How would i do that?' Eventually he recommended that I call them. So I asked for a number for their Cancun office. This resulted in a many more raised eye brows and looks implying I was asking for something entirely unreasonable. Eventually he gave me a number in the states for customer service and I treked back to my airline and queued again for the info desk.
To make a long story short when I eventually got to call AA I got a 'computer says no' response. It is impossible to get messages to people travelling on AA. Under any circumstaces.
So here's my theory. The airline industry survives only because some things just have to be done in person. Attending weddings, diving in the carribean, celebrating xmas with your family. However modern telecommunications, (phone, internet, email, teleconference etc) is making the more mundane, day to day stuff possible without any travel. The airline industry is resisting this by not embracing any of this technology themselves and making it as hard as possible to communicate (even internally!!) with people. Bastards. I bet not a single one of them has a decent internal communications manager.
Friday, December 28, 2007
I love Mexico... anyone surprised?
I'm having a ball ball ball. So much so that it's taken this long for me to haul my self out of Lazy Assland and start to update my blog.... so the story so far. Possibly in a couple of installments.
The guidebook had thoroughly freaked me out about crime and danger in Mexico City. Although I have to say that if I'd read it and was planning to travel with someone else, I probably wouldn't have worried so much. This was added to by getting in my cab to my hostal and being told that the steet it was on was closed for the xmas festival. What followed was a conversation between my cabbie and a concerned sort of concierge, which my limited spanish loosely interpreted as, "Get her as close as you can and then call a policaman over to take her the rest of the way" Either way, it was no more dangerous than, or at least I felt just as comfortable as I have in, any other major city in the world. I made my own way to the hostal.
I spent my birthday in Mexico City. Pretty much the only thing I miss (apart from the people) about living in NZ is old stuff. So I spent the whole day in museums, catherdrals and art galleries. It. Was. Lovely. And then I stumbled across the Sheraton. You see a colleague had told me that they do great Margaritas. Two Margaritas later the jet lag hit me like a ton of bricks and the day was over.
But it was a brilliant brilliant brilliant day. Although when I come back I will make sure that I speak Spanish. I created much amusement trying to buy cream of the sun and telling a cab driver that I am from Ireland but I bedroom in New Zealand.
Also I am angry at living up to the stereotype and getting a cold, so no diving so far... but it's coming.
Have to hand over the laptop (I'm on Donal's). Will update again later.
Hope everyone had a lovely xmas and is gearing up for the New Years of a live time.
The guidebook had thoroughly freaked me out about crime and danger in Mexico City. Although I have to say that if I'd read it and was planning to travel with someone else, I probably wouldn't have worried so much. This was added to by getting in my cab to my hostal and being told that the steet it was on was closed for the xmas festival. What followed was a conversation between my cabbie and a concerned sort of concierge, which my limited spanish loosely interpreted as, "Get her as close as you can and then call a policaman over to take her the rest of the way" Either way, it was no more dangerous than, or at least I felt just as comfortable as I have in, any other major city in the world. I made my own way to the hostal.
I spent my birthday in Mexico City. Pretty much the only thing I miss (apart from the people) about living in NZ is old stuff. So I spent the whole day in museums, catherdrals and art galleries. It. Was. Lovely. And then I stumbled across the Sheraton. You see a colleague had told me that they do great Margaritas. Two Margaritas later the jet lag hit me like a ton of bricks and the day was over.
But it was a brilliant brilliant brilliant day. Although when I come back I will make sure that I speak Spanish. I created much amusement trying to buy cream of the sun and telling a cab driver that I am from Ireland but I bedroom in New Zealand.
Also I am angry at living up to the stereotype and getting a cold, so no diving so far... but it's coming.
Have to hand over the laptop (I'm on Donal's). Will update again later.
Hope everyone had a lovely xmas and is gearing up for the New Years of a live time.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
First of many
I°m here. Iàm in Mexico city. Iàve been awake for about thirty hours. But Iàm here. I canàt use the keyboard... can you tell?
Anyway Iàm off to shower and go to sleep. Canàt wait to lie down FLAT.
Ooh ooh ooh though... I bought a camera... watch this space!
Anyway Iàm off to shower and go to sleep. Canàt wait to lie down FLAT.
Ooh ooh ooh though... I bought a camera... watch this space!
Monday, December 17, 2007
Apologies
Hi folks.
It's been a while. I'm aware of this. I have several excuses but they are all work related so I'll skip them....
...and say that I'm going to Mexico next week. I will be updating my blog. I will make it interesting. I will be back i the land of the sane, and the free (time) and the people who have time to do normal things.
Talk soon
It's been a while. I'm aware of this. I have several excuses but they are all work related so I'll skip them....
...and say that I'm going to Mexico next week. I will be updating my blog. I will make it interesting. I will be back i the land of the sane, and the free (time) and the people who have time to do normal things.
Talk soon
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
One other thing...
As an addendum to the last post.... Kerry has poted a video on You Tube which has some highlights of the christening. Obviously I cried.
Even if you're not interested in the christening for some reasons there are some very cool NZ photos at the end.
Sophia's Christening
I also love the statement of non faith that Kerry has used in the sound track.
I suspect this was Jeff's idea
Even if you're not interested in the christening for some reasons there are some very cool NZ photos at the end.
Sophia's Christening
I also love the statement of non faith that Kerry has used in the sound track.
I suspect this was Jeff's idea
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Inexplicable emotion
I am not a church goer. In fact I'd say I have not been inside a church of my own volition (and by that I mean other than for a wedding or funeral) snce I was about 18. But today my friends Jake and Kelley were having their daughter Sophia christened and it seemed like a worthy occassion to cehck out St Patrck's Cathedral which I walked or drove past pretty much every day for four years when I worked at UDC.
It was an 'ocassion' for many reasons. There was an Arch Bishop heading off to another Parish, it was the first Mass since they had refrubished the cathedral and baby Sophia was having her soul safe guarded- or whatever it is that happens when you get christened.
Anyway the mass seemed to be longer than I remember about two hours - although it may not have started on time since I couldn't find parking and arrived half an hour late.
I'm definitely a crier. Weddings, speeches, ads. It doesn't take much to get me going but usually the emotions are down to sentimentality I can explain. Today as we went through the mass, I found myself getting weepy at weird times. Like times other than when Sophia was being baptised, just random times in the middle of the service.
I have no idea why. I can't even tell you if the tears were happy / sad / nostalgic. I have no idea. None. Maybe I just needed a cry?
It was an 'ocassion' for many reasons. There was an Arch Bishop heading off to another Parish, it was the first Mass since they had refrubished the cathedral and baby Sophia was having her soul safe guarded- or whatever it is that happens when you get christened.
Anyway the mass seemed to be longer than I remember about two hours - although it may not have started on time since I couldn't find parking and arrived half an hour late.
I'm definitely a crier. Weddings, speeches, ads. It doesn't take much to get me going but usually the emotions are down to sentimentality I can explain. Today as we went through the mass, I found myself getting weepy at weird times. Like times other than when Sophia was being baptised, just random times in the middle of the service.
I have no idea why. I can't even tell you if the tears were happy / sad / nostalgic. I have no idea. None. Maybe I just needed a cry?
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Sick *cough*
I'm at home sick. I forgot how boring it is. However I am spoiling myself with enough tea to drown a small child.
I still have a problem with the neighbour's cat. It is coming into my house and terrorising my cats. Pinot is peeing on the furniture and panics whenever the cat flap goes and her skin is starting to get flaky and dry- a really bad sign.
I want to do BAD things to this cat. Not to actually endanger it but to make it so shit scared of my house that it never never comes back.
So how should I do this? Some options below:
1. Close the outside of the cat flap so next time it comes in it's trapped. Then throw a bucket of water over it (there are some very obvious cons to this with regards to my house however I am deperate).
2. Electrify the cat flap. This involves putting my cats ina cattery for a week or so until the cat learns that my cat flap is a danger zone.
3. Have the cat assasinated
By the way I tried magnetic collars but the cat flap is on a funny angle so basically it didn't open for any of the cats - mine included
I still have a problem with the neighbour's cat. It is coming into my house and terrorising my cats. Pinot is peeing on the furniture and panics whenever the cat flap goes and her skin is starting to get flaky and dry- a really bad sign.
I want to do BAD things to this cat. Not to actually endanger it but to make it so shit scared of my house that it never never comes back.
So how should I do this? Some options below:
1. Close the outside of the cat flap so next time it comes in it's trapped. Then throw a bucket of water over it (there are some very obvious cons to this with regards to my house however I am deperate).
2. Electrify the cat flap. This involves putting my cats ina cattery for a week or so until the cat learns that my cat flap is a danger zone.
3. Have the cat assasinated
By the way I tried magnetic collars but the cat flap is on a funny angle so basically it didn't open for any of the cats - mine included
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Already sick of it
I do love NZ. I really really do. I've even attempted to get a little bit into the national sport- rugby. I have attended two test matches. That's double the number soccer games I have atended having grown up with a dad who was soccer CRAZY.
But I am already thoroughly, utterly, totally, completely, 110% SICK of the fucking Rugby Wolrd cup. Every day the newspapers and TV and radio news programmes are full full full of All Blacks. They've arrived in Europe, they've had photo opps with footballers even how fricken long it would take a room full of hackers to break their training code.
In the meantime several finance companies have tipped over leaving hundreds of people who had saved for early retirement with nothing, the PM is in an all out fight with a former PM, Australia and Air NZ, an Iranian refugee almost starved himself to death to protest his deportation and th paper is full of photos of the (admitedly stinking hot) swimming All Blacks
But I am already thoroughly, utterly, totally, completely, 110% SICK of the fucking Rugby Wolrd cup. Every day the newspapers and TV and radio news programmes are full full full of All Blacks. They've arrived in Europe, they've had photo opps with footballers even how fricken long it would take a room full of hackers to break their training code.
In the meantime several finance companies have tipped over leaving hundreds of people who had saved for early retirement with nothing, the PM is in an all out fight with a former PM, Australia and Air NZ, an Iranian refugee almost starved himself to death to protest his deportation and th paper is full of photos of the (admitedly stinking hot) swimming All Blacks
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