Driving in Guatemala

Here are some things I have learnt about driving (that´s being driven in my case) in Guatemala.

1. Suspension is for the WEAK.
2. (Speedlimit + 40KMPH) x (Cobbled streets + 1000 years of earthquakes/subsuidence) = (Becoming airborne x a lot)
3. Vehicles in front of you are to be taken over AT ALL COSTS and regardless of speed, size or proximity to oncoming traffic.
4. Use of a single indicator makes you a pussy. If indicators must be used, use your hazards and keep your options open
5. Car jacks are not to be relied on. However this does not mean that you should inconvenience any of the people by asking them to get out of the vehicle while you change a tyre.
6. Sometime animals just like to hang out on the road.
7. If you´re taking the corners at the right speed, the centrifugal force should extract DNA from your passengers.
8. You should accelerate AS FAST AS YOU CAN as soon as all doors are shut. This will aid the passengers who are still standing to find their seats. If they find them with their face rather than their arse... well at least they´ll reach their destination 1/8th of a second faster.
9. If you are a passenger and attempt to rest your head on ANYTHING in an attempt to sleep, you will aquire a dent in it. This dent will be painful but you will be utterly unable to stop yourself from prodding it for the next four days to see if you can still fit your finger inside it.
10. If you get a ridiculously cheap fare it´s because they are paying their driver youth rates. They are paying him youth rates because he is a youth. I.e 14 tops.
11. 14 year old drivers are much more cautious and look like they´re going to cry when you all almost die. Which is nice.
12. If you are hot and the fans aren´t working. Simply mention it to your driver. He will very helpfully, scoot over to the passenger side of the vehicle and and open the other window. It´s important to note that he will definitely still be driving at the time. He may even be overtaking.
13. Sitting in the front seat or anywhere where you can see how close you almost came to hitting whatever if was is foolish, foolish, foolish.
14. Beeping is the punctuation of the highway. It is to be used regularly.
15. No matter how much you tell yourself that your outfit is comprised of sufficient layers to perfectly match all altitudes, speeds, seasons, times of the day and level of exposure to the elements/ open air nature of the vehicle, it fucking isn´t. You will be FREEZING at some point. At another point you will be far, far, far far far too hot. This may repeat depending on the journey.