Don't shop at Noel Leeming

It’s rare that I pull out the spam but this level of customer service deserves it. So I’m shouting about it far and wide. Hope it’s not too intrusive in your day.

I’ve just applied for some funds for a car loan which I’m please to say was approved. With one condition. Apparently I have a Baynet Default for $90 with Noel Leeming. Now that’s not a lot of money but I am absolutely FASTIDIOUS about paying bills on time and keeping a clean credit record.

Since arriving in NZ I’ve bought an iPod, laptop, set of F&P dishdrawers, a smeg oven and rangehood with Noel Leeming amongst other bits and pieces. So I’ve spent about $10k and various bits of it have been on finance of one kind or another, generally underwritten by GE. So I called GE and they assured me that I’d always been a perfect payer, always on time, often paid up early. So I contacted the folks at Noel Leeming itself. And it seems that what happened was that I had overlooked the fact that they are a bunch of lazy, moronic wankers.

You see about a year ago my laptop broke. Now it had a three year warranty on it but apparently that didn’t cover the screen, which was the broken part. (Oh yes, the top half of the laptop – I can see why that wouldn’t be covered. Makes total sense. If you’re a cock.)

Anyway, it wasn’t covered so they offered to send it away for assessment. They did tell me there’d be a fee for that even if I didn’t opt to get it fixed. Really? Seems stupid but sure ok then, knock yourselves out. When they quoted me for fixing it was in excess of buying a new one (no no, that’s not an evil scam at all, that makes more total sense. If you’re a cock).

So I opted not to fix it and honestly forgot all about it for MONTHS. I eventually went in to pick it up about four months later and the sales clerk just handed it over. I had no memory of the assessment fee and the sales clerk never asked me to pay it before he handed over my (still broken) laptop and let me go on my way. At no point did any buzzers go off. There was no Trainspottingesque dash from a security guard as I made off with my unpaid-for-goods. No parcel of red dye exploded over me as I strolled to my car and drove away.

But it seems at some stage someone did remember about it and instead of calling me (on the number they absolutely had because they’d needed that to let me know they couldn’t fix my lap top and the warranty didn’t cover it and “blah blah we’re a bunch of cocks”) they sent a bill to the last address they had for me, (which I haven’t lived at for YEARS) and then listed me on Baynet. When the credit controller who I spoke to today asked me why I hadn’t updated my address, I pointed out that since I had no account with them I didn’t think I needed to. In the same way that when I buy a book at Whitcoulls I don’t insist that they update my details in case they should later decide I should have paid more for that book and want to write me a letter.

Anyway naturally they have the power because that’s how these things work and so I have paid the bloody $90. They will update my record to say it’s been paid but it will continue to be on my record for five whole years. Now that it’s paid ANZ can lend me the money for the car. Once I send them proof that it’s been paid.

Ah yes. Proof that it’s been paid. Perhaps I should have thought of that before I made my Pay Anyone payment out to 'Noel Fucking Leeming' at the account name 'Cunts' with the pay anyone reference of 'You are MORONS'

Anyway the point is – don’t shop at Noel Leeming.

Happy weekend folks.